For about eight million years, I’ve been trying to find a new direction, change career and solve all the mysteries of life. Something like that, anyway. I’ve written lists and read books and written blog posts about how maybe where you’re at now, is enough. This was all done from the comfortable place of having enough work (just about) in a field that I liked. Today, that ended. Today, I was ‘let-go’ by one of my long standing (8 years) freelance contractors, and a friend. This was a place that I loved working, with people who are my genuine friends, doing a job that I was good at. It wasn’t all completely my fault but I can’t deny that I did play a part in the outcome. Not only am I worried about the financial implications and not getting to work with some really cool people, but I’m left wondering what the hell I am now. You see, I’m one of those annoying people who ties what they do with who they are and as I’m now no longer the job I used to do, what am I?
I’ve never really been a proper jobbing (insert job title here), because I’ve been very lucky to be offered brilliant jobs, in the past, that have just been a natural fit, with people I know, and enough to pay the bills. Over the years, these jobs have become less and less, partly due to changes within the industry in this city but mainly because I’ve lost my nerve and haven’t wanted to do stuff outside of my comfort zone. Luckily, I always had a few lines of work that would come up but one of those lines, and the remaining line connected to the job that I tell people I do, has been cut. So I ask again, who the hell am I?
This is all very raw, still, and I’m trying to process it in a way doesn’t involve loads of Galaxy chocolate and me beating myself up for not just keeping my gob shut and my head down.
I haven’t reached any conclusion about anything, yet, but I do know that, somehow, things are now going to have to change, out of necessity, not out of some new fancy idea.
In the meantime, as we sign off in this industry, “off cans”.